The Joys and Contradictions of being a Writer

I’m almost finished Knight. You’d think I’d have a sense of accomplishment. But mostly what I feel is:

1. Fatigue: I could curl up in a corner and sleep right now. Even the corner by the litter box. I am that wrung out. 😯

2. Frustration: I can’t see the forest for the trees at the moment. If there’s a problem in the story line or the logic of the piece, I can’t see it. Which leads to #3

3. Panic: I know there has to be stuff I need to fix. And I’m fixing stuff, and connecting stuff and reading things over and over until the words lose their meaning. What am I missing, because I know darn well I am?

4. Ants in my Pants: Go ahead, laugh. I couldn’t come up with any other way to describe it. I love the story, but I want a break from it–it needs to be finished. I’m tired and there’s still so much left to do, so I have to keep plugging away at it. But that darn courtesan is whispering in my ears and he’s so tempting…

5. Nervous: Is this really going to be good enough to catch the attention of Sarah Frantz, who would be the editor for this call? Crap, I don’t know! 🙁

6. Impatience: I want the first draft finished, so I can sit down and start a logical, scientific revision. But it’s the story that wouldn’t end (like that horrible, horrible song) and it keeps asking for more chapters! (Which just goes to show that I suck at figuring out how long a story will be, since my first estimate was around 45,000. Lol, joke’s on me!)

7. Idiocy: The best part of the joke–I was reading over a section the other day, just at the end of my writing time, and thought “I can’t wait for the next one to come out”. Then I remembered that this is my book–it’s my responsibility to get the next one out. 😛

8. Hope: the story arcs are logical and braid together well. My character are likeable–I’ve been threatened with mayhem if I don’t give Ross a happy ending (no pun intended–by the time we get halfway through the book, he’s had several of the other kind of happy ending, though not all on screen).

9. Happiness: This was long, but darn fun at the same time. Best hobby ever. 😀

10. Excitement: people actually like this story, which is awesome, because it’s a funny, good feeling when someone gets as involved with your characters as you are. And it’s not even an ego boost, because I’m excited for the story, not me.

11. Eagerness: sorry guys, but I need to go write… 😉

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